My Jericho Road

"And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted him, saying,

Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?

"He said unto him, What is written in the law? how readest thou?

"And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy

heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all

thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.

"And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.

"But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbour?

"And Jesus answering said, a certain man went down from Jerusalem to

Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment,

and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.

"And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he

saw him, he passed by on the other side.

"And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on

him, and passed by on the other side.

"But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when

he saw him, he had compassion on him,

"And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine,

and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care

of him.

"And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave

them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever

thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.

"Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that

fell among the thieves?

"And he said, He that shewed mercy on him. Then said Jesus unto him,

Go, and do thou likewise." (Luke 10:25-37.)

The Samaritan, traveling the road to Jericho, found himself in quite a situation. He was not his friend, in fact he was his enemy. It was not convenient to help him, in fact it was inconvenient. His care he required would not be cheap, in fact it would be costly and require sacrifice. Despite all this, he did not hesitate, he didn't question and he didn't wait. He immediately bound up his wounds and showed him compassion.

I've been thinking about all the "Good Samaritans" in my life. There have been so many I couldn't even begin to count. My incredible parents, family members, church leaders, bishops, stake presidents, close friends, MISSION PRESIDENT (holy cow, that man is a saint), companions....

There is one companion in particular I'd like to talk about today.

Now. Sister May traveled a long, long way to get here and be my Good Samaritan. She did not grow up in the church. In fact, she grew up having zero good feelings towards the LDS church and it's members. She was raised by her father and her step mom who were good people but had nothing much to do with religion. It wasn't until her biological mother joined the church after getting married to a very active member, that she was willing to hear anything about it. She still didn't like it much, but she could at least tolerate it. A short time later, her best friend (who is a member of the church) expressed to her his desire to serve a full time mission. Leaving for two years, to do what? Go around and knock on people's doors and teach about religion? The idea of him taking off was frightening, strange and somehow fascinating to her. She just couldn't shake the feeling she had when he spoke about this deep desire to serve The Lord. After discussing the church more and more with him and her mom she decided to have the missionaries over. They taught her and a few short weeks later she was baptized.

She had been a member for only a year when the announcement was made saying that sister missionaries could leave at age 19. She responded to the call, and found her self entering the mission field only a year and half after joining the church. It was tough to be a missionary and still feel so "new". She didn't recognize most of the doctrinal terms being used and she questioned whether she would actually be able to keep up in the mission field.... when everyone seemed to already "know it all". But she squared her shoulders and put a smile on and got to work anyway.

Fast forward a year, and that's when she found me.

Several months later... I was "beaten and bruised" pretty bad. I had allowed Satan to get a hold of my heart and I truly believed I was a failure. She saw me "laying there in the middle of the road" and she "cleaned my cuts", "dusted me off" and encouraged me to get back on track. She never let me say "I can't". During my time with her as my companion I laughed everyday. I remembered what it was like to just be myself. She reminded me that it was not my job to worry about things I couldn't control. After she got me all stitched up, she went on her way... like all Good Samaritans do. I was so sad to see her go. But I got exactly what I wished for. I always said "I wish EVERYONE got to be companions with Sister May!"... And she became a Sister Training Leader. SO, she goes on exchanges with about half the sisters in the mission. I know I am just one of the down trodden souls she has lifted along her Jericho Road. Sister May taught me a very important lesson. And that is simply that by taking even just one step in the dark you just might end up changing the world. I am so grateful she decided to join the church regardless of how unsupportive many family members and friends were of the decision. I am so grateful she decided to serve a mission even though she felt like she lacked experience. By looking passed her fear, she found me... she stopped to help me out. And I gained a best friend! 
I have been cared for and picked up by so many Good Samaritans along the my Jericho Road. The Lord always places people in my path when I need them. And I often wonder if they realize the importance and the significance of their actions. I think in a way we're born aware of our need to help each other. I think we're born desiring to SAVE and PROTECT. Deep inside the human soul is a longing to be identified with and involved in something really important. There comes a time in our lives when we are spiritually prepared and ready to be lifted from comfortable and sometimes mundane activities and to make a major decision to respond to a call... a call that is sometimes difficult, a call that is inconvenient, a call that may require sacrifice. The call to arms, to reach out. A call that if we will but accept, we will illuminate our own souls. And we INSPIRE others to do the same.

Come Home

Hello, and HAPPY NEW YEAR to one and all!

Who else is a little bit in shock that it's already 2014... Can't believe it. I still remember when I was skating around the iceskating rink at "First Night" for the millennium. 14 years ago.
I hope everyone had the holliest, jolliest of holidays this year! I sure had a great Christmas. It was SO awesome to spend Christmas helping and serving others. Definitely a Christmas not to be soon forgotten.
I will admit that my favorite part of Christmas was seeing all three members of my family at once... haven't had that for almost a year. Crazy to see parts of my house and remember that I used to live there. Haha.
Got me thinking... I've called a lot of places "home" in my lifetime. But where is home, really?
So I got to reading, reflecting, studying and talking with people about it. This is what I've come up with...

My favorite verses in the bible are those of the Sermon on the Mount. In the Gospel of St. Matthew and reads: “And seeing the multitudes, he went up into a mountain: and when he was set, his disciples came unto him: And he opened his mouth, and taught them.” (Matt. 5:1–2) Among the truths which he taught was this statement: “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat:

“Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (Matt. 7:13–14)

When Jesus of Nazareth personally walked the rocky roads of Jerusalem, he showed all who would believe how they might follow that narrow way and enter that strait gate to life eternal. “Come, follow me,” he invited. “I am the way.” Little wonder that men waited for the outpouring of the Holy Ghost on the day of Pentecost. It was the one true gospel of Jesus Christ that was to be preached, his work that was to be done, and his apostles at the head of his church who were entrusted with the work.

However, history would tell us that most men did NOT come unto him, nor did they follow him in his ways... He was crucified by his own, his apostles were killed and his teachings were rejected. The bright daylight of enlightenment slipped away, and the shadows of a black night covered the entire earth.

One word can describe the dismal state that followed: Apostasy.

Generations before, Isaiah had prophesied: “Darkness shall cover the earth," and Amos had foretold of a famine in the land: “Not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the Lord.” (Amos 8:11) Peter warned of false teachers bringing damnable heresies, and Paul predicted that the time would come when real, sound doctrine would cease to exist. Yes. This was it.

The dark ages of history seemed never to end. Was there to be no end to this truthless night? Had a loving Father forgotten his own children? Would he send forth no divine revelation as in times before?

As it turns out, there WERE many honest men to desired to know. Who NEEDED to know. And at the risk/sacrifice of their very lives, attempted to establish points of reference, that they might find the "way of the Lord", the way of truth. The day of the reformation was dawning, but still the path ahead was daunting. In the words of Thomas S. Monson about the Reformation: "Persecutions would be severe, personal sacrifice overwhelming, and the cost beyond calculation. The reformers were like pioneers blazing wilderness trails in a desperate search for those lost points of reference which, they felt, when found would lead mankind back to the truth Jesus taught."

When John Wycliffe and others completed the first English translation of the entire Bible from the Latin, the church authorities did all they could to destroy it. Copies had to be secretly written by hand. The Bible had been regarded as a book forbidden to be read by any "common people". Many of the followers of John Wycliffe were severely punished and many killed.

Martin Luther asserted the Bible’s supremacy. His years of study led him to compare the doctrines and practices of the church with the teachings of the scriptures. Luther stood for agency and the rights of the individual conscience, and this he did at the risk of his life. Though threatened, persecuted, and even hunted he still declared boldly: “Here I stand, I cannot do otherwise. God help me.”

There are SO many others that could be mentioned, but something said by a man named William Tyndale sums up for me the deep, deep significance and divine origin of the reformation: “If God spare my life, … I will cause a boy that driveth the plough shall know more of the scripture than thou dost.” (Not gonna lie... this just gives me chills!)

Though they dedicated all they had to the cause of truth... Still there was darkness. The reformers did not restore the fullness of the gospel. So of the reformers one could ask, “Was their sacrifice all in vain? Was their struggle completely worthless?”

I answer “No!” The Holy Bible was now available to EVERYONE. Each man could better find his way!

And because of the reformation, the long-awaited day of restoration did indeed come. In His own words here is the testimony of the plowboy who became a prophet— Joseph Smith.

“There was in the place where we lived an unusual excitement on the subject of religion. … It … became general … creating division amongst the people, some crying, ‘Lo, here!’ and others, ‘Lo, there!’

“… I was one day reading the Epistle of James, first chapter and fifth verse, which reads: ‘If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.’

“Never did any passage of scripture come with more power to the heart of man than this did at this time to mine. It seemed to enter with great force into every feeling of my heart. I reflected on it again and again, knowing that if any person needed wisdom from God, I did; for how to act I did not know, and unless I could get more wisdom than I then had, I would never know; for the teachers of religion … understood the same passages of scripture so differently as to destroy all confidence in settling the question by an appeal to the Bible.

“At length I came to the conclusion that I must either remain in darkness and confusion, or else I must do as James directs, that is, ask of God. …

“So, in accordance with this, my determination to ask of God, I retired to the woods to make the attempt. It was on the morning of a beautiful, clear day, early in the spring of eighteen hundred and twenty.

“… I kneeled down and began to offer up the desire of my heart to God. …

“I saw a pillar of light exactly over my head, above the brightness of the sun, which descended gradually until it fell upon me.

“… When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air. One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other—This is My Beloved Son. Hear Him!”

The Father and the Son, Jesus Christ, had appeared to Joseph Smith. The morning of this, the final dispensation and that of the fullness of times had come!... It came dispelling the darkness of the centuries and dispelling of spiritual night.

From then to now, truth has been and is available to us. Like the children of Israel in ancient days, weary wandering now can end with our entry to a personal and very real "promised land".

There is a prophet on the earth today, and he calls to each one of us! Come from your wandering way, weary traveler. Come to the gospel of Jesus Christ. Come to that heavenly haven called home. Here you will discover the truth. Here you will learn the reality of the Godhead, the comfort of the plan of salvation, the sanctity making and keeping covenants, the power of personal prayer...

Come home!

Thomas S. Monson once relayed the following story:

"Many of us may remember the story of a very young boy who was abducted from his parents and home and taken to a village situated far away. Under these conditions the small boy grew to young manhood without a knowledge of his actual parents or earthly home. Within his heart there came a yearning to return to that village called home.

But where was home to be found? Where were his mother and father to be discovered? Oh, if only he could remember even their names, his task would be less hopeless. Desperately he sought to recall even a glimpse of his childhood.

Like a flash of inspiration, he remembered the sound of a bell which, from the tower atop the village church, pealed its welcome each Sabbath morning. From village to village the young man wandered, ever listening for that familiar bell to chime. Some bells were similar, others far different from the sound he remembered.

At length the weary young man stood one Sunday morning before a church of a typical town. He listened carefully as the bell began to peal. The sound was familiar. It was unlike any other he had heard, save that bell which pealed in the memory of his childhood days. Yes, it was the same bell. Its ring was true. His eyes filled with tears. His heart rejoiced in gladness. His soul overflowed with gratitude. The young man dropped to his knees, looked upward beyond the bell tower—even toward heaven—and in a prayer of gratitude whispered, 'Thanks be to God. I’m home.' "

Like the peal of a familiar bell will be the truth of the doctrine of Jesus Christ to the spirit of those who are SEEKING it. Many if not all of us have traveled on a personal quest for that which rings true. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sends forth to you an earnest appeal. Open your doors to the missionaries. Open your minds. Open your hearts, even your very souls, to the sound of that still, small voice which testifies of truth.

Then, like the lost boy, you too will say to our Father: “I’m home!”


My favorite Christmas Hymn explains to me the warm, peaceful home available to us through the revealed truth of the gospel:

I heard the bells on Christmas day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet the words repeat
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along th'unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good will to men.

And in despair I bowed my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead, nor doth he sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,
Of peace on earth, good will to men!

This is a very special time of year. A time where we have just celebrated Christmas and focused our thoughts on our savior... and now have the great opportunity to reflect on our lives and make changes.
With this new year I'm setting out on a journey.
My journey home. Home in the gospel of Jesus Christ!

May we all find peace on earth and find our way safely HOME.

Happy 2014!

Wonders of His Love -- An Answer to a Prayer

This post is for everyone and anyone... But especially for those who may be struggling emotionally or spiritually right now.

I've decided and felt strongly that I need to be very honest and open about what I've been going through lately and I hope someone will benefit from my sharing these very personal experiences.

During the past transfer I've really been struggling with depression.

I can't exactly say when it all started... but it became apparent that I just wasn't myself anymore.
I was struggling to feel happy when I had no obvious reason to be sad or discouraged. I was confused by my own emotions, "Get a grip! There's nothing wrong, you've dealt with much more difficult things before... and with a whole lot more grace than this. You shouldn't feel this way. What's wrong with you, Tara?" I would ask myself. I could NOT figure out what was causing this discouragement... Homesickness? Sadness? Anxiety? Loneliness? I still to this day can't really pick an existing word to describe what I was feeling.
It was the day after Thanksgiving and I had just about anything but missionary work on my mind. All I wanted was to go home. And I felt pretty darn guilty about it, "Why are you homesick? You have no reason to feel homesick. Some people don't even have families on thanksgiving AT ALL. Ever. And look at you, ONE big holiday away from home and you're a wreck. One tough transfer and you have thoughts of going home. Pathetic."
Where were these thoughts coming from? Were they really my own thoughts? Why couldn't I seem to remove thoughts like this from my head?
I knew I needed help, and I needed it fast. But I was struggling to know where to find it. I didn't want to tell anyone about it because frankly I had too much pride (super woman complex). All the "basics" seemed too obvious and I was wandering in circles searching for a solution to my problem.

Quick explanation: The church came out with an "Adjusting to Missionary Life" booklet written by psychologists and doctors for the purpose of, well... just that, helping missionaries adjust to this lifestyle. It contains information about feelings you might experience when adjusting to the lifestyle of a missionary and ideas about dealing issues you commonly run into as a new missionary.

As I have been out for (coming up on) 10 months now, I'll admit that book just takes up space in my crate of books and study materials. I always thought that I was passed the "struggle stages"... That I was "over that". So, I rarely looked at this book. But on that Black, gloomy Friday I felt like I should read it.
So I did.
I dusted it off and read it cover to cover looking for a good explanation for why I was feeling so down.
I was disappointed in my lack of a "light bulb" moment. Nothing really stuck out to me.
Well... except one thing.
Just one, and that was a suggestion for dealing with depression.
The suggestion was Prayer.
"Yep, one of those 'basics'. How dumb is that?" I thought. "DUH. What missionary doesn't pray? I pray about 47,000 times a day if not more! And I still feel depressed. I'm praying and no answers are coming."
I just wasn't satisfied with that.
I read it again and again to make sure that I wasn't missing something.
..... Oh.

There it was. 

"...pray out loud...".

Hmm... out loud? Wow, how long had it been...? Since I have a companion with me at ALL times ALL of my personal prayers are said in my heart/mind. I couldn't even think of the last time I had said a PERSONAL prayer out loud. I've always been in tiny studio apartments where even the quietest whisper in the bathroom with the door shut can be heard from any corner of the one-room living space. So, therefore, I kept all my prayers in my head.
This idea stayed on my mind for the whole day.
Oddly though, in the following hours where all I wanted to do have a moment alone there wasn't a single opportunity to even ask my companion for a moment. We had SO much to do and so little time to get it done. I continued saying silent prayers throughout the day asking for the help and strength necessary to keep the fake smile on my face, "just one more day. Help me make it through just one more day."
Finally... the day was over. We came home exhausted, planned for the next day and retired to bed.

At about 2am, I was still awake. Couldn't sleep... as usual.

But I knew what I needed to do. I got up and climbed out the window onto our fire escape. It was cold, but still. There was no wind and it was oddly quiet for a New York City night.
I knelt down, took a deep breath and said the most desperate prayer I've ever said in my life.
I spoke out loud as if I was talking to a friend... to a parent.
It was the most REAL prayer I'd ever said.
I plead for relief from these thoughts of hopelessness, distraction and darkness.

When I felt I had said all I wanted to say, I felt better. Still lost. But at least I had told somebody about it. I felt like I had gotten all the words out of my head that had been eating me alive for weeks.
I received no immediate solution... no answer. But I knew someone had heard me.
And that was enough.
Finally I went to sleep.

The next morning I woke up feeling, well, alright. I was tired, obviously, I'd only slept about 12 hours in 3 days. Regardless, I got up and went about my normal Wednesday schedule.
6:30, wake up. 8:00, studies till 10:30, then leave to Prospect Park for weekly service.

While raking leaves, our phone alerted me that we had a text message. I pulled it out of my pocket. The text I saw was from an unidentified number, but a number that I knew very well.
It read, "I received a prompting from a prayer and wrote you an email that you need to read as soon as possible."

Not everyday you receive a text from your mom as a missionary telling you to check your email. As soon as I could get internet connection, I opened my email and found this...

"My Dear Tara,

As I prayed for you this morning, I had an overwhelming feeling that you are struggling.  Your email yesterday didn't seem quite on -- not like all of your others. And no blog posts for 2 weeks.  At first I just thought you were probably just really busy, like you said.  But I am quite sure this morning that it is more than that.  

I don't know why you are struggling or with what, but I want to send you a message from your mother.  Hear me -- YOU ARE ENOUGH!!  You are loved by many and most of all by a Heavenly Father that knows you -- everything about you.  Your greatest champion -- though I would like to believe is me-- is Jesus Christ.  Take courage and carry on.  Do what you are supposed to do.  You tell Satan -- "Get thee hence! There are more that be with me than with you, even Angels from heaven by my side." Say it out loud -- loud and proud -- Maybe in the shower everyday and then in your head any time you feel him working on you.   

Don't let your struggle become your identity!  You are of divine origin and though you have mortal challenges you are no less divine -- a holy daughter of the most high God.  So I want you lift your chin a little higher today, walk a little straighter and REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE!!

I know that missions are HARD!!  Don't discount how hard it is and think that you are somehow not measuring up.  Just do your best and know that most missionaries if not all go through moments of doubt, homesickness and trouble.  You are not unique in this.  Read 2 Nephi 4:15-35. Even Nephi, one of the Greatest Book of Mormon Prophets, struggled with self-doubt, but he knew on whom to rely.

I love you Tara -- wish I could just wrap my arms around you this morning, but we both know that if that was possible, you would probably come home and I would probably bring you home --  and neither of us really want that. So you and I need to just buck up and get to work today.  --Love, Mom"

I felt all the loneliness, all the anger, all the discouragement drain from my soul as I read these words. AGAIN, the Lord had answered.
Though these were the words of my dear mom, I knew they were His words.


Directly after reading this email, I could hear the song Joy to the World playing in the distance. I just listened. I didn't move. I closed my eyes, and allowed the music to be the only thing in the room with me.

Joy to the World, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the World, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat, the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.

My urgent, desperate prayer had been answered.

Praying.
Its a funny thing. There really isn't a way to describe how it works. In fact, we really don't know. How is it that God can have billions upon billions of children and HEAR and ANSWER every single one of their prayers. Day and night, rain or shine... He answers. 
How can that be? 
How can it be that we have a Heavenly Father who loves and knows us all perfectly, so much that he knows exactly how to answer each of our prayers?
It truly is a WONDER.
It is one of the many wonders of God's love for us.

It's a wonder that a baby was born to a virgin in Bethlehem so long ago. It's a wonder that the baby who once lay in a manger grew into a sinless man. It's a wonder that He bled from every pore so that we could be free from suffering. It's a wonder that He endured the cross on Calvary and gave Himself a sacrifice for all mankind. It's a wonder that in three days He came forth, triumphant over death, as a resurrected, perfected being.

It's a wonder that one day, if I can but rely on the ultimate gift of His atonement, I can be like Him.

During this Christmas season, I'm focusing my thoughts on the many wonders of His love. The world would have us believe that Christmas is about gifts, glittery lights, mystery and magic... But I testify that there is no greater gift, no brighter light, no greater mystery, no greater magic than His love... and the way he reveals that love to us.

Tonight when you pray, speak out loud and remember that He, YOUR father and creator of all, IS LISTENING.

Share the gift!

Half Full

As of last Wednesday I'm half way through.

HALF WAY THROUGH.

It sure came up on me fast.

I feel like my mission has had an underlying theme that has followed me through all the good and bad experiences and been so obvious in the people that I've met and the places I've visited. And well, the theme is my "journey toward discipleship".

I decided to take a little trip down memory lane and I dug out and read my farewell talk again. The theme I was assigned to speak on was ironically "Becoming a Disciple of Christ".

 This is a little piece of the talk that struck me in a way it didn't before:

"Niel A. Andersen said, 'Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life. Together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead. Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, ‘All things are possible to him that believeth.’  I know for certain I will have a sister missionary companion for the next 18 months, but I truly hope I will choose to have a missionary companion for the remainder of my life… my lord Jesus Christ."

When I wrote that, I didn't really know what a mission was. I don't think anyone really does until you actually serve as a full-time missionary. However, it would appear that Heavenly Father wanted me to have a head-start in figuring out my purpose in serving a mission.

Missions are kind of like microcosms of life. 

You're "born" into a new area. You're thrown into a new culture that you don't really understand. You've got a "mom" (trainer) who, in the beginning, does pretty much everything for you. Communicates for you, sets up all your appointments, helps you figure out how to get around, etc. Slowly but surely, you begin to figure it out... You baby step your way to saying a few words, making a few unsuccessful phone calls once in a while. You finally memorize the route from your apartment to the church building. Things are starting to be doable.

You're just beginning to make progress and become less dependent on others when you're yanked away from the arms of your trainer and you find end up with a trainee of your own.

And well, like any parent would say. You have NO idea what the heck you're doing. You just kind of make it all up as you go.

Your kid arrives with a firey desire to teach 12 lessons a day and talk to EVERYONE they see. You kind of laugh to yourself at first... and you wonder if you looked as ridiculous as they do. But somehow there ridiculousness is inspiring. Their desire to work really hard and do all they possibly can is a good reminder of your purpose. And yes, they think they know everything. You watch them make their way in the world. They master word after word, and eventually begin speaking full sentences of the mission language. They begin to rely on you less and less.

Then, they go. They go on to train their own brand new missionary.

You continue you on your journey, meeting more and more people, going from place to place. Growing and changing as you go.

 You learn how to care about others more than yourself. You learn to work with people you wouldn't necessarily choose to be around. You learn how to plan ahead. You learn to think fast and be flexible. You learn to rely on your faith.

You learn to be a Disciple of Christ.

Then one day, in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, it's all over. You've served your time, and you've completed your mission. Your shoes have worn through soles. Your feet ache from all the walking. You look a little older, and you've aged a bit from caring and worrying so much about others.
Then you wonder:
 "Am I ready? Did I really do all I could? "

You look back on the places you've been, people you've served, the people who have served you, the days of pure joy, the nights you cried yourself to sleep, the weaknesses you've overcome, the prayers you've said, the revelation you've recieved and the immense love you've felt.

And you smile. And you think, "Yes. Yes I am ready now."
You know you weren't perfect. You know you messed up on countless occasions.
But you sure TRIED. And you sure put your heart and soul into it.

Because of the things you've experienced in the past 18 months you have become a disciple of Christ, ready to experience what comes next. Ready for new scenes. Ready for new people to fall in love with and serve with all your heart, might, mind and strength.

You will take these experiences with you to the next stage of your life, and you'll never forget them. These experiences and memories are part of who you are. Each moment helped you become what you are now. Isn't that why you came in the first place?... You came so that you could return....Return home as a Disciple of Christ.

We kind of do the same thing in our lives, don't we?

Now, I've still got half my mission ahead of me. (Good thing... I've got such a very long way to go.)

But I sit here with a heart full of so much gratitude. I am so grateful for the last 9 months... So grateful for the two areas I've served in. So grateful for the people I've met, the lessons I've taught, the Spirit I've felt, for the times I've been humbled, for the people who have been patient with me, for my leaders who have taught me and for each of the companions I've served with. And I'm especially grateful that I have had my Savior Jesus Christ there by my side every difficult step of the way.

 "I am a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power. My pace is set, my gait is fast, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few... but my Guide is reliable, my goal is Heaven, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, back up, or let up, until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes to get His own, He will recognize me. My colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ; for it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone that believeth..." (Romans 1:16)"

Remember, wherever you are on your road to discipleship, you're on the right road!

Halfway, and SO grateful and excited for the next half!

 

Where the Grass is Greener

"Adam fell that man might be, and men are that they might have joy."

We ARE that we might have joy. I suppose it doesn't say that we WILL have joy... the word MIGHT implies that there is a possibility or permission to obtain joy. So we have to give ourselves permission to have joy? Yes. So it all comes down to agency? Yes.

That in mind. Story time.

The Parable of the Three Axes, By Elder McDonald.

(Re-written by me... because I can't remember word for word. ZTM (Zone Training Meeting). Haha.)

There once were three axes. They all belonged to the greatest lumberjack in the land he owned the entire forest... from the east to the west, north to south as far as your eye could see and beyond.

Now, the first or the three axes despised the fact that he was an ax. He spent ALL his time daydreaming and wishing he were something else... something grander and far more majestic than a little ol' ax. It seemed to him that life would be far more fulfilling and far more meaningful if he were a rocket-ship, or a tank, or at least a chainsaw. He decided that he could more fully and more effectively live his dream of being something more flashy and fashionable by refusing to do ax-like work. "No sir-ee I will not chop wood. That's for axes. And I'm no ax."

The second ax was a very unhappy ax. He griped and complained all day long. "This is way too hard!" "This job is so monotonous!" "Why do I have to do this tedious awful job!?" He felt more validated when he complained and vocally made is pain known as he chopped wood.

Then there was the third ax. Ax number three loved working in the woods. Chopping wood all day was tiresome work but he really enjoyed it. "Nothing like going home after a long days work and feeling exhausted and ready for bed. Means you worked hard, and made a difference." He would say. He always had a smile on his face, because he could rarely think of a reason not to. He knew he was just a little ax. But he was an ax. And that was something to be happy about. He looked forward to each new day and took delight in the thought of a new task to be completed.

Okay, let's take a step back for a moment. Remember the lumberjack? This story has just about NO meaning without him. Why? Because an ax can't do much of anything without a lumberjack. An ax can't chop wood on it's own. Something has to pick it up and swing it.

Looking at our three axes... which one do you think the Lumberjack used? We have one ax who by his own choice refused to be used. He resisted the lumberjack and he stayed in the shed, fantasizing about a life he couldn't have. The second didn't completely refuse to work, but he whined all day long and resented the tasks he was asked to do.

Let's be real... we all know the third ax is the one who was used. Not because the other two axes couldn't be just as capable and just as effective if they wanted to be... but that's just the thing. They didn't WANT to be used. The third ax desired it. It was the deepest desire of his heart (if axes had hearts) to be an ax. To chop the wood the lumber-jack asked him to chop. And you know what? The third ax became strong! His blade was cleaned and sharpened often and his handle was sanded and maintained. The other two axes became rusty, and gathered dust in the corner... because they didn't want to chop wood.

If I were an ax, which ax would I be?

I'd like to say I was the third ax. But I know for a fact that's not always the case.

Sometimes I complain, sometimes I'm really stubborn and I refuse to do budge at all.Which is dumb. Because I'm an "ax" either way. Lamen, Lemuel, Sam and Nephi all had to go and get the plates... the ALL had to leave Jerusalem and travel to the Americas on a boat. The only difference is that two of them did it willingly to and the other two didn't. two complained and the other two didn't. So why not do it with a smile? Why not use our agency to find JOY in all this wood chopping?! What's the use in wishing you were somewhere else or complaining about the work before you?

The grass is not "greener on the other side"... No. The grass is greener where you water it!

So the message today is that we've all been given agency. And we all have to chop wood. So, if we make our desire the desire of the lumberjack we become strong. We will be sharpened. We will see the majestic views of the whole forest! And eventually when our blade finally breaks because of all the we've chopped... We will be hung on a peg in the lumberjacks house where he will say, "well done my faithful little ax. Thanks for your help out there."
And imagine the JOY we will feel then.

Thanks for listening to the story.

Love you all,

Sister Tara Franklin

The Hastening-- Start Spreading the NEWS!

Hey everyone. Sister Tara Franklin, here.

Sorry about the lack of an update this week. It's been crazy.
We had a holiday on Monday, the normal emailing day... And then we had to go to mission head quarters to get our iPads.
Yeah. I have an iPad. Weird, right? Kind of hilarious that I use more technology now that I'm missionary than I did before my mission. I'm kind of... how do you say... Old fashioned? Haha.
(Janeal and Joachim, if you're reading this... you can motivate Jake to go on a mission one day by telling him he'll have his very own iPad to use for 2 years! Haha. Just don't tell him he can't play Angry Birds or Temple Run. Haha.)

As Facebook has been something we've spent a lot of time on in the last couple transfers. I've discovered something. I've discovered that I'm not really a "facebooker"... I always thought I was, but I'm not. I don't even use it for half the things it can do... Heck, I don't even know how to "share" things from other websites to facebook. Haha. Yeah, I know... I need to get with it.
I have a confession to make: Before my mission I sadly used Facebook to be jealous of other people's lives; And to wish I was off doing things everyone else was doing. And well... As a missionary, a lot of those same feelings are brought back. It's hard for me (because of my own weakness, of course) to not get caught up in what friends and family are doing back home. (I know, it's selfishness... And I'm working on it.) In this the beginning of the implementation of Facebook/iPads/smartphones for missionaries, I have really tried to find productive things to do via online proselyting. But I have haven't had a huge amount of success. People don't really view my page much so, I'm not really sure what post or what would be helpful to people. (And I don't mean that in a "Oh poor me... why don't people stalk my facebook all day" kind of a way, it's simply true.)
I've been praying about it, and asking for some direction on how to use all these technological/virtual ways of communicating and sharing the gospel with others.
Now, I've come to the conclusion that I needed to focus more on this blog and less on Facebook. Don't really know why... But I figure, I should try it out.

A HUGE round of applause for my dear, wonderful mother who has been the caretaker of the blog for the last nine months! Don't know how she managed to find the time. What a supergirl. I'll be the one updating the blog from now on. Thanks for reading. And feel free to share anything I post with someone you feel could benefit from it. In fact, PLEASE do.

I hope you all know how much my calling as a missionary means to me. I'm so grateful that I have this (as I've put it before) "opportunity of a lifetime" to serve a missionary. I'm grateful to be able to focus all my efforts on this hastening of the work. The daughter of my mission president asked if one day, years and years from now when Preach My Gospel has been modified and updated, it might refer to our day as "The Hastening". I think that's a pretty cool thought. And hey, she just might be right.
And what a privilege to be a part of it!!
If by some miracle something I post on this blog helps even one person, well... then that's success. Remember, no effort is wasted. So I'll put forth my best effort.

More posts to come in the near future! Thanks for your love and support and remember to "START SPREADIN' THE NEWS!" Everyone get on board. I can promise you that these are the Latter-days and it's now going to get CRAZY.