Half Full

As of last Wednesday I'm half way through.

HALF WAY THROUGH.

It sure came up on me fast.

I feel like my mission has had an underlying theme that has followed me through all the good and bad experiences and been so obvious in the people that I've met and the places I've visited. And well, the theme is my "journey toward discipleship".

I decided to take a little trip down memory lane and I dug out and read my farewell talk again. The theme I was assigned to speak on was ironically "Becoming a Disciple of Christ".

 This is a little piece of the talk that struck me in a way it didn't before:

"Niel A. Andersen said, 'Wherever you now find yourself on the road of discipleship, you are on the right road, the road toward eternal life. Together we can lift and strengthen one another in the great and important days ahead. Whatever the difficulties confronting us, the weaknesses confining us, or the impossibilities surrounding us, let us have faith in the Son of God, who declared, ‘All things are possible to him that believeth.’  I know for certain I will have a sister missionary companion for the next 18 months, but I truly hope I will choose to have a missionary companion for the remainder of my life… my lord Jesus Christ."

When I wrote that, I didn't really know what a mission was. I don't think anyone really does until you actually serve as a full-time missionary. However, it would appear that Heavenly Father wanted me to have a head-start in figuring out my purpose in serving a mission.

Missions are kind of like microcosms of life. 

You're "born" into a new area. You're thrown into a new culture that you don't really understand. You've got a "mom" (trainer) who, in the beginning, does pretty much everything for you. Communicates for you, sets up all your appointments, helps you figure out how to get around, etc. Slowly but surely, you begin to figure it out... You baby step your way to saying a few words, making a few unsuccessful phone calls once in a while. You finally memorize the route from your apartment to the church building. Things are starting to be doable.

You're just beginning to make progress and become less dependent on others when you're yanked away from the arms of your trainer and you find end up with a trainee of your own.

And well, like any parent would say. You have NO idea what the heck you're doing. You just kind of make it all up as you go.

Your kid arrives with a firey desire to teach 12 lessons a day and talk to EVERYONE they see. You kind of laugh to yourself at first... and you wonder if you looked as ridiculous as they do. But somehow there ridiculousness is inspiring. Their desire to work really hard and do all they possibly can is a good reminder of your purpose. And yes, they think they know everything. You watch them make their way in the world. They master word after word, and eventually begin speaking full sentences of the mission language. They begin to rely on you less and less.

Then, they go. They go on to train their own brand new missionary.

You continue you on your journey, meeting more and more people, going from place to place. Growing and changing as you go.

 You learn how to care about others more than yourself. You learn to work with people you wouldn't necessarily choose to be around. You learn how to plan ahead. You learn to think fast and be flexible. You learn to rely on your faith.

You learn to be a Disciple of Christ.

Then one day, in what seemed to be the blink of an eye, it's all over. You've served your time, and you've completed your mission. Your shoes have worn through soles. Your feet ache from all the walking. You look a little older, and you've aged a bit from caring and worrying so much about others.
Then you wonder:
 "Am I ready? Did I really do all I could? "

You look back on the places you've been, people you've served, the people who have served you, the days of pure joy, the nights you cried yourself to sleep, the weaknesses you've overcome, the prayers you've said, the revelation you've recieved and the immense love you've felt.

And you smile. And you think, "Yes. Yes I am ready now."
You know you weren't perfect. You know you messed up on countless occasions.
But you sure TRIED. And you sure put your heart and soul into it.

Because of the things you've experienced in the past 18 months you have become a disciple of Christ, ready to experience what comes next. Ready for new scenes. Ready for new people to fall in love with and serve with all your heart, might, mind and strength.

You will take these experiences with you to the next stage of your life, and you'll never forget them. These experiences and memories are part of who you are. Each moment helped you become what you are now. Isn't that why you came in the first place?... You came so that you could return....Return home as a Disciple of Christ.

We kind of do the same thing in our lives, don't we?

Now, I've still got half my mission ahead of me. (Good thing... I've got such a very long way to go.)

But I sit here with a heart full of so much gratitude. I am so grateful for the last 9 months... So grateful for the two areas I've served in. So grateful for the people I've met, the lessons I've taught, the Spirit I've felt, for the times I've been humbled, for the people who have been patient with me, for my leaders who have taught me and for each of the companions I've served with. And I'm especially grateful that I have had my Savior Jesus Christ there by my side every difficult step of the way.

 "I am a part of the fellowship of the unashamed.

The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I won't look back, slow down, back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, and my future is secure. I am finished and done with low living, sight walking, small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams, tame visions, mundane talking, chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals. I no longer need preeminence, prosperity, position, promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognized, praised, regarded, or rewarded. I now live by presence, learn by faith, love by patience, lift by prayer, and labor by power. My pace is set, my gait is fast, my road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few... but my Guide is reliable, my goal is Heaven, my mission is clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back, diluted, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander in the maze of mediocrity. I won't give up, back up, or let up, until I've preached up, prayed up, paid up, and stayed up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until He returns, give until I drop, preach until all know, and work until He comes. And when He comes to get His own, He will recognize me. My colors will be clear for "I am not ashamed of the Gospel of Christ; for it is the power of God unto salvation for everyone that believeth..." (Romans 1:16)"

Remember, wherever you are on your road to discipleship, you're on the right road!

Halfway, and SO grateful and excited for the next half!